The death of George Floyd, an unarmed black man in police custody, has sparked over a thousand protests across the US. Here’s what one African-American family has to say about movements past – and moving forward.

Video showing Floyd struggling to breathe as a white police officer knelt on his neck swiftly led to nationwide outrage and in the weeks since, there have been demonstrations in all 50 US states.

These protests form part of a long history of uprisings against racial injustice in America.

But what needs to be done differently now?

That was the question posed to 16-year-old Raymon Curry during a protest in Charlotte, North Carolina, in a video that went viral this month.

In the clip, activist Curtis Hayes Jr, 31, pulls Raymon from the crowd and tells him that they need to “find a better way” to express their pain over the killings of African-Americans.

We asked Raymon, along with his mother, 33-year-old Jasmaine, and his grandmother, Sherondia, aged 58, to share what they believe the country needs to change in order to move forward.

‘We need action’

Sherondia was born in New York City in the early 1960s. While she’s enraged by what’s happening, she says she’s proud of the diversity of people turning out to protest compared to when she was younger.

“I’ve seen not only black people but white people, different races of people protesting. And what really encouraged me was when I saw protests going on all over the world.

“I was very young when the civil rights movement began back in the 60s. My mother told me stories and I saw pictures. When I look back at the movement I say, ‘How did they survive when water hoses were thrown at them, dogs sent on them?'”

The protests over the death of George Floyd have seen the tearing down of Confederate statues and monuments connected to slavery and colonialism.

But Sherondia thinks this isn’t enough.

“Today we need more than just Confederate statues coming down. We need open dialogue, we need people coming together and breaking down barriers and socioeconomic injustices going on in this country. We don’t just need a word, we need action.”

She says what’s kept her going through the years has been her faith.

“Racism has always existed. It’s something that I think black people have learned to live with. But even though it’s uncomfortable, we have found the strength. The strength of the church, the strength of believing that there is absolutely a God. So our strength came from that faith.”

‘We gave so many chances for this to be corrected’

Sherondia’s daughter, Jasmaine, was born in 1987. She says one of her most vivid memories is of watching the Million Man March, a gathering of African-American men in Washington DC in 1995.

“I remember black men coming together, and they were interrupted by officials. I was young and learning about Rodney King, things of that nature. I remember looking at Ebony Magazine and reading so early – when I was in first grade [aged six or seven] – about Emmett Till and seeing his picture.

“So the problem goes back to my time and even to my mom’s time. My grandmother told me stories about going to black-only bathrooms. In my era, in the 80s, I didn’t sit and watch Martin Luther King like my grandmother but I heard that same message. That message has now moved to a new generation.

“I’m fed up. Even if I’m peaceful and speak the truth, someone else is going to tell me, ‘You weren’t enslaved’. But my ancestors were. So actions speak louder than words, and if it takes burning down something, it’s unfortunate but we gave so many chances for this to be corrected.”

On the day that Raymon was filmed in the now-viral exchange, he didn’t tell his mother that he was going out to protest.

“I gave him permission to go and play with his friend,” Jasmaine recalls.

“So to find out the next day that he went to the protest, my main concern as a mother was for his safety. There was one point we were telling our kids to stay away from strangers, gangs, violent people, but it’s reverted to me telling him to stay away from the police.”

‘Peace by any means necessary’

Raymon, one of two boys, has grown up listening to his mother and grandmother tell him about racial injustice, and remembers watching news of the deaths of black Americans.

“I see [previous protest movements] as something we’ve got to learn from,” he says.

“We want to be equal, to all be heard and to have a voice. I know what my mom and grandma saw growing up and it’s still continuing. Now it’s my turn to be the leader of my generation.”

So how does he think protests should change from previous generations?

“By this time, peace shouldn’t be an option. We should get our voices heard and get this peace by any means necessary. How many times do we have to be peaceful before we get our justice? I’m trying every day to think of ways. It’s something I shouldn’t have to deal with at this age.”

“I’m not a violent or hateful person, but tearing down statues is what’s getting attention. Now we’re finally having our voices heard. We were part of the slavery system and the statues represent that.”

More on the George Floyd protests

Like Mother’s Day—or most holidays, really—Father’s Day can be polarizing. For some, it’s a fun excuse to get the family together (well, maybe not this year) to have a barbecue and shower Dad with gifts. But for others, it triggers upsetting memories. If you fall into that second category, getting through the third Sunday in June can be tough. We spoke to several mental health professionals to better understand why this day can be so difficult, and to get tips for making it through—whether you’ll be alone or with family on Sunday.

Why is Father’s Day difficult for some people?

There are plenty of reasons why Father’s Day is a day some people dread, or at least find challenging. Whether someone’s dad is deceased, estranged, absent, or not the ideal father, it can be hard for the children (even if/when they’re adults), as well as the fathers themselves (more on that in a bit). Oh, and also, we’re still in a global pandemic, and even for people who have a wonderful relationship with their father, this year might be hard if they can’t spend the day together.

For those who find Father’s Day hard, it can elicit disparate emotions ranging from sadness to anger to disappointment. “While some experience anticipatory anxiety about this day due to recent loss, others have complicated relationships with or are completely estranged from their fathers, and may struggle with how to process the symbolism of this day,” Dr. Leela R. Magavi, a psychiatrist and regional medical director with Community Psychiatry tells Lifehacker. “Meanwhile, fathers who have lost their children or do not see them often for a variety of reasons may grieve in their own way. Some individuals are unable to become parents or adopt, and may experience a sense of emptiness or loneliness.”

When the holiday takes the form of grief, it becomes a reminder of a relationship that someone doesn’t have, rather than one that they do, according to Litsa Williams, a grief therapist and licensed clinical social worker. “Of course, this is true for children who have lost fathers and fathers who have lost children, but also the partners, friends and parents of fathers who have died,” she tells Lifehacker. “It is difficult for those who have lost fathers or children due to estrangement, incarceration, foster care and relocation.”

And then there are other ways that Father’s Day can sneak up on you emotionally. First of all, as Dr. Rebecca Gernon, a family physician and the medical director of Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Kansas City points out, we all have strong feelings about our parents and their role in our lives. When we find out that they’re not infallible, it can be a disappointing lesson to learn at any age. On top of that, if your parents’ marriage ultimately dissolved, sometimes Father’s Day brings us unresolved feelings about the separation or divorce, she adds.

It’s also important to keep in mind that the role of fathers has changed in recent years, expanding to include duties like changing diapers, and attending parent-teacher conferences and doctor appointments, that were traditionally jobs for the mother. “Many adults—whose fathers were in their lives—will remember a father who was less present than their mother; a father who may have been stuck in a traditional role, who felt he missed out on parenting joys and experiences; a father who had difficulty expressing feelings,” Gernon explains. “[Some] adults may look back at the father they knew in childhood and wish they knew him better, had more time with him [or] that he could have experienced more of parenthood or expressed feelings more freely.” So even in cases where someone’s father was present growing up and they had a decent relationship, the holiday can still stir up feelings.

And though people (rightfully) think about Father’s Day being difficult for children and adult children of deceased, estranged or absentee dads, Aisha R. Shabazz, a licensed clinical social worker, therapist and clinical supervisor, says that we should consider the other side, too. Specifically, “the shame and sadness that could potentially come along with ‘everyone’ else receiving gifts, lunches, dinners and acknowledgements, while others are getting nothing because their child is deceased or estranged from them,” she tells Lifehacker. “You receive the title of ‘father’ because you have children and yet, if your children are not present, you feel as though you cease to exist. It’s very isolating.”

Now let’s talk about how to get through the day.

Tips for coping with Father’s Day

Let’s start with tips specifically for dads who are struggling:

For fathers of a deceased child

If you’re part of this category, Shabazz encourages you to honor the time you had with your child by creating a new or upholding a tradition as a way of memorializing their father-child relationship. “Do something that you used to love doing together—a favorite movie, snack, meal, hobby, etc.,” she adds. Also, Williams suggests that they may want to connect with other grieving fathers through support groups like The Compassionate Friends.

For fathers who are estranged from their children

Regardless of who caused the estrangement, Shabazz says that it might be appropriate to reach out again one day. But without doing some personal development work first, you might repeat the same behavior patterns that made the relationship deteriorate in the first place. “Try engaging in support groups or therapy, reading books or listening to podcasts that focus on rebuilding relationships and communication,” she advises.

For people who never became fathers (but may have wanted to)

For those in this group, it can be very easy to play the “what-if” game, Shabazz says—but try to avoid it if you can. “It’s not productive and it won’t help resolve your present concern,” she explains. “Consider the qualities that a father has, and determine which of those qualities you possess. You’ll soon realize that although you may feel incomplete, you have some of the components of a father. Then consider how you can show up for others as a father-figure.”

And now, some general strategies that could be useful for anyone triggered by the day:

Allow yourself to grieve and/or feel sad

If you’re not feeling Father’s Day, it’s perfectly acceptable to give yourself the time and space to grieve. “Communicate to others in your life that Father’s Day is tough for you and let them know what they can do to help,” Williams says. And yes—that means everyone. “Men are socialized to not show a wide range of emotion, as well as not talk about their feelings,” Shabazz says. “If you’re a man that fits into this category, consider expressing yourself in a different way by tapping into your creativity. Create something that speaks for you, and over time you’ll gain the security and confidence you need to say what’s on your mind.”

Try to avoid social media if it’s a trigger for you

For those who struggle during holidays, social media can be pretty brutal. Even if your plan is to avoid it all day, there’s always the chance that, out of habit, you’ll pick up your phone and start scrolling through your Instagram feed without even realizing it. “On Father’s Day, social media is typically filled with posts, pictures, and videos of people with their fathers or posting about their fathers,” Dr. Brian Wind, a clinical psychologist and chief clinical executive at JourneyPure tells Lifehacker. “This serves as a constant reminder to those who have complicated relationships with their fathers about all of the things they are missing out on.”

But if reminiscing is comforting, do it

Not everyone falls into the “social-media-is-triggering” category. Others find comfort in looking at old photos or watching home videos of their dad. “Even though Father’s Day might reopen old scars, turning it into a celebration of life can help bring some joy back into the holiday,” Wind says. “However, if you have recently lost your father or haven’t dealt with your grief before, this could be painful to do—especially alone. If needed, seek help from a therapist to help process your grief.”

Don’t compare your relationship with your father to others’

As humans, it’s always tempting to compare ourselves to other people, but when it comes to doing that with your relationship with your dad, Wind suggests avoiding it. “Instead, you can take time to celebrate the relationships that you do have in your life because those can be celebrated on any day of the year,” he says. Along the same time, don’t go into the day with high expectations based on the sentiments found in greeting cards, Michael Gaziano, a licensed clinical social worker and clinical program manager and therapist at Sierra Tucson tells Lifehacker. “Relationships are complicated, and one of the best ways that you can help unravel them is to focus on what you have control over and the thoughts and feelings that you can work on for your own self care.”

Know that you’re not alone

Even if it seems like you’re the only person with mixed—or outright negative—feelings about Father’s Day, you’re definitely not. Wind says that it’s not always easy to deal with emotions like anger, sadness, loneliness and frustration, and thanks to COVID-19, these emotions might hit even harder than usual. But keep in mind that there are plenty of others out there struggling on that day.

Make plans in advance

If you know Father’s Day isn’t your thing, try to make plans in advance. Yes, that’s especially hard this year, but even doing a virtual visit or taking a masked-and-socially-distanced walk with a friend could help. “If you’re struggling, one of the best things you can do is surround yourself with people that you love,” Wind says. “If you don’t feel safe meeting up with friends or family, make an extra effort to reach out to them and express your feelings. Simply talking through your emotions can help relieve the weight that they hold over you.”

Talk it out with a friend or family member

Even if you didn’t make plans ahead of time, if you’re having a hard time on Sunday, Dr. David Finkelstein, a psychiatrist with Community Psychiatry, recommends reaching out to someone for support—“especially someone who may uniquely understand your feelings or has dealt with something similar.”

Avoid (or take a break from) family if you need to

If spending time with your extended family (i.e. those you don’t live with) is stressful for you, then at least you can thank the pandemic for putting the kibosh on this year’s festivities. But that only (ideally) prevents in-person gatherings: there may still be Zoom family reunions, or phone calls that you’re expected to make. If there are certain IRL or virtual get-togethers you absolutely cannot avoid, Natalie Buchwald, a therapist, as well as the founder and clinical director of Manhattan Mental Health Counseling suggests getting as much time alone prior to and during the event as possible.

“Use this time to meditate, calm yourself and make notes of what emotions are stirred in you,” she tells Lifehacker. “Don’t suppress your emotions. These are insights to be understood. Instead of taking your emotions out on others, go cool down by going to another room or going on a short walk. If you need to address something to a family member, say it assertively but from a calm place. This will increase the likelihood that this would lead to a constructive discussion rather than a shooting match.

Focus on appreciation

Dr. Scott Guerin, a developmental psychologist and adjunct professor in psychology at Kean University lost his father last week—41 days after his mother passed away—both from COVID-19. Right now, he’s focusing on how to cope with the day, and has found that one strategy is working: appreciation. “When word got out about my dad many of my friends sent their condolences,” he tells Lifehacker. “Several conveyed stories about how he helped them…As of right now, each day, my feelings of loss are being overrun by feelings of love and appreciation.” Another take on appreciation—but for those who never knew their fathers or are estranged from them—involves composing a gratitude list inclusive of all the individuals who have served as father figures throughout their life, Magvi says.

Create new traditions

If your family’s usual Father’s Day celebration is hard for you to get through, take the opportunity to use this year as a “reset.” Gaziano suggests creating new traditions for yourself and/or your family by redefining the day. This will put you (somewhat) more in control of the holiday. And if your new tradition is ignoring the day completely because that’s what’s best for you, that’s fine too.

It comes via the cinematic power couple of Karina Longworth, creator of the essential film history podcast You Must Remember This, and her husband Rian Johnson, director of Star Wars: The Last Jedi and Knives Out (the latter being a film my wife and I did manage to agree to watch; she didn’t like it). It turns out even famous directors and film historians can’t agree on what to watch, but Longworth figured out a solution, as revealed on the third episode of her other movie podcast, the quarantine-themed The Pictures That Got Small.

“[Rian Johnson] and I had got into a situation of just passive aggressively being like ‘You choose what we watch, no you choose what we watch.’ And so I created an innovation in our household: I basically made a list of every movie I could think about that we had talked about, ‘Oh, we should watch that sometime,’ plus some deep cuts of directors I’m trying to get to know better, plus some Criterion Blu-rays we had lying around. We put it in an app that can randomize any list. And so, every night that we’re going to watch something, we press the random button and it tells us what we’re going to watch.”

I prefer the self-curation element of the Randomizer. My wife and I are constantly discussing movies we might like to watch someday, but never in one place; we have options spread across Alexa lists, multiple streaming service watch queues, random texts and ancient emails, and yet for some reason every time we fire up the Roku, we can’t think of anything we’re remotely interested in. Using the Randomizer model, we’ll not only have all of our options in one place, but the hard part—the choosing part—is out of our hands.

Verizon has a new student discount offer for college students, offering a $10-per-month discount on a single line or $25-per-month discount on two lines for subscribers to its various unlimited plans. The new offer will be available starting on July 2nd.

As of last August, Verizon offers four different “unlimited” plans that all offer a variety of perks, features, and limitations. Prices start at $70 per month for a single line for the entry-level “Start Unlimited” plan and go up to $90 per month for a single line on the most expensive “Get More Unlimited” plan. So saving $10 or $25 a month on your bill could be a significant savings.

There are a few caveats, of course. To get a student discount, the student in question has to be the account owner or manager. (You can’t just show your student documentation and cut a few dollars off your family plan.) Only one discount can be applied per account, even if both members are enrolled, and it’s only valid for customers with a maximum of two phone lines (meaning you can’t just put your college-aged student in charge of your larger family plan, either).

The deal is valid for up to four years, although students will have to provide annual documentation proving that they’re an actively enrolled undergraduate, graduate, or post-graduate college student.

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It’s creepy and it’s kooky. Also kind of spooky.

What a faithful, phenomenal, and painstakingly detailed re-creation this is of the Addams Family Mansion, created by Kelly Little-Kuehnert of K&K Custom Miniature Creations.

All of the photos are hers.

Very Smol Addams Family Mansion

Eighty-one-year-old Georgina Schuldt isn’t used to being tied down. After retiring from a career in nursing, Schuldt and her husband lived on a boat for eight years, sailing from Canada to Panama. When they returned, they went camping in the Pacific Northwest every summer. 

But Schuldt’s husband passed away last year. Now she uses a walker, unable to go long distances. She has no interest in getting on a plane or being dependent on someone else to push her in a wheelchair. 

Despite all of this, Schuldt was recently able to explore a European city — in virtual reality. Her Florida assisted living community owns three headsets from MyndVR, a company that creates VR experiences geared toward people age 65 and up. 

“The first time I tried it I saw a city in Spain. We were right in the city square, and there was a tourist who walked right in front of me! I could’ve touched her,” Schuldt said. “I thought that was wonderful.” 

The day we talked, she had just used the headset to visit a forest full of colorful fall leaves. 

“It takes you out of your own environment and puts you somewhere else,” Schuldt said. “It’s very pleasurable to go back and see things that you love but you can’t get to anymore.” 

Virtual reality is one of many technologies that can be used to reduce loneliness and social isolation in senior citizens, which researchers have called an epidemic in and of itself. 

Nearly one-fourth of adults aged 65 and older are considered socially isolated, according to a 2020 study from the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine. Research shows older people who report feeling lonely are more likely to face anxiety, depression, suicide, heart disease, stroke and dementia, a risk rivaling smoking, obesity and physical inactivity. 

“If loneliness is persistent and sufficiently severe, it can and does have negative health consequences,” said Dr. Dilip Jeste, the senior associate dean for healthy aging and senior care and a distinguished professor of psychiatry and neuroscience at the University of California, San Diego. 

The good news? You can make changes to avoid these outcomes, Jeste said. And technology may be one piece of a broader puzzle that gives America’s growing population of seniors a more connected and healthy life. 

A three-hour (virtual) tour

Virtual reality companies focusing exclusively on seniors are finding their way into senior living communities, aiming to provide an escape from the doldrums of everyday life or point of connection with family members. 

Even if seniors live in a community surrounded by others, they may still slowly withdraw and become isolated, MyndVR CEO Chris Brickler said. “As their stimulus diminishes due to age and disease, we have to find other ways to keep them stimulated and engaged,” he said.

MyndVR’s headset and platform streams more than 200 virtual travel, recreation, music and arts experiences for older adults living in senior communities or at home. These experiences can act as reminiscence therapy by helping them remember parts of their past or as engagement therapy by connecting them with others in their community or family, Brickler said. 

“We see families that are locked into the same conversations week after week, slowly making their visits mind-numbing,” he added. 

Having something new to do together can add some new energy into visits and give seniors a chance to have more substantive conversations, he said. 

Traditional therapy typically costs between $100 and $200 per session. A single-user license for MyndVR’s platform is less than $1,000 per year, while a multiuser license for community packages average around $5,000 per year, Brickler said. The cost includes the hardware, the library of VR content, and customer and technical support. MyndVR now has tens of thousands of users across 40 states, he added. 

Read more: How families are giving a fantastic trip to loved ones in hospice

Beyond Zoom: Virtual meeting spaces

Some companies, like AARP Innovation Labs, are using VR to keep the elderly connected to their families for a slightly lower cost.

Its latest product is Alcove, a virtual reality house where seniors can meet up with relatives to talk, play games and explore different experiences.

VR offers a sense of presence and immersion that other technologies don’t, said Cezara Windrem, head of VR at AARP Innovation Labs and product lead for Alcove. “It could allow families to come together, overcoming cost, time and mobility constraints,” Windrem said.

AARP Innovation Labs built Alcove in partnership with Rendever, a startup that creates VR experiences for senior living communities. It launched a first version 2019, which is available free on the Oculus Go platform (and will come to Oculus Quest too later this summer). 

Seniors can invite up to four people at a time to join them in a fully immersive virtual chalet in the mountains, surrounded by trees and grass. Explore four different rooms, and even decorate the home with their own photos. 

The app offers a guided tour of Paris together, practice meditation, or play checkers or chess. You can take older relatives on real-world adventures. It’s free to download and use right now (provided you have an Oculus Go VR headset, which costs $149), with no advertisements. But as more content is added, the company may consider a micro-transactions system for premium VR experiences, so you might pay a few dollars for a top-tier tour.

The virtual element may make hanging out with grandma more attractive to younger people, who can find a connection with them in this new medium, Windrem said. 

“We know how much the young generations are attracted to this new technology,” she said. “It’s wonderful having them find a connection through this new medium and be able to share their love for it with older family members but on their own terms through experiences that everyone can relate to.” 

Family on demand

But what about the elderly who require physical assistance that virtual reality can’t provide — like help with grocery shopping or tasks around the house?

For seniors, one option is Papa, a service that provides “family on demand” to older adults by pairing them with “Papa Pals.” College students who can provide companionship and assistance on tasks like grocery shopping and driving. Plus, those students get paid.

CEO Andrew Parker was inspired to create Papa by his grandfather, who needed help but was isolated. He didn’t drive, but also didn’t require traditional home care services. Papa launched in 2018 and is now available in 25 states and counting. The company has more than 7,000 Papa Pals on the platform, Parker said. 

A majority of members receive Papa as a free benefit via insurance carriers or Medicare Advantage programs. Papa Pals have to go through a background check and vetting process. Fewer than 10% of those who apply are hired, Parker said. But they can make between $12 to $16 an hour, depending on what kind of tasks they are doing. The company is opening applications up beyond college students now, partially because unemployment levels have risen so much as a result of COVID-19.

The company typically signs people up for visits from Papa Pals once or twice a week. Tasks include everything from grocery shopping to driving to doctor appointments to teaching them how to set up technology. One member asked a Papa Pal to accompany her to a wedding, because she didn’t want to be a burden on her family. Another, a former Tour de France competitor, asked his Pal to take him on a bike ride — and quickly outpaced his college-age companion, Parker said. 

Those visits look different now because of coronavirus. Papa Pals are helping with contactless grocery deliveries. And most companionship visits have moved to phone calls or video chats. 

“We’re teaching older adults how to use technology in a way that they probably weren’t willing to do generally before,” Parker said. “The stigma of being alone is less of an issue now that the whole world is isolated.” 

Curing loneliness

Despite the tech industry’s best efforts, there’s no single research-backed cure for loneliness, Jeste said. The solution has to be multi-dimensional and include physical activity, exercise and social connections. Technology can help, but it won’t solve the problem alone, he added. 

“The technology industry has traditionally focused on younger people,” Jeste said. “Older people don’t want something that is cool with a thousand applications. They want something really simple. We need technology that is senior-friendly.” 

Back in Florida, Schuldt agrees. The simplicity of the VR platform was a major factor in why she enjoyed the experience so much, she said. “You just stick it on your head,” Schuldt said. “You don’t have to learn a whole bunch of tricks to get it to go.”

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